In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.

If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair, and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything; equality is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence, equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements, and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must be met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course, the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God, watching over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate people who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could go on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever walked, and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by chance, can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not, by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is not so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.

In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.



If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair, and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything; equality
is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a
single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence, equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements, and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many
things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must be
met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the
world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course, the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God, watching
over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate people
who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could go
on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of
respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever walked,
and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by chance,
can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human
will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of
desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not, by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we
cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is not
so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.

Admiral_eX_laX wrote:

In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll
fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you
say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.

If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of
what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair,
and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything;
equality is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what
Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a
single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence, equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of
man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements,
and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many
things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must be
met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of
the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the
world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course, the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world
I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith
in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God, watching
over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate people
who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's
divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could
go on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's
own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said
work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of
respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever walked,
and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever
God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by chance,
can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human
will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of
desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that
drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not, by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we
cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is
not so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.

The human situation is meaningless, therefor arbitrary. "Ma nature"
builds us insane so we will do her biddings, you're no different.
Be a good minion.
--

Best,
Frederick Martin McNeill
Poway, California, United States of America
mmcneill@fuzzysys.com
http://www.fuzzysys.com
http://members.cox.net/fmmcneill/
*************************
Phrase of the week :
"There is no doubt that great revolutions of human scientific
thought will occur in the next century, and in the century after
that, and in thousands of centuries afterward. So which of our
current pet scientific dogmas will be among the first washed away
by new facts and sudden clarities?" -- Anonymous
)))Snort!)
*************************

"Frederick" <mmcneill@fuzzysys.com> wrote in message
news:3FEE8D9D.DD413670@fuzzysys.com...
Admiral_eX_laX wrote:

In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I
have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll
fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you
say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.

If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of
what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair,
and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything;
equality is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what
Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a
single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence,
equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of
man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements,
and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many
things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must
be
met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of
the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the
world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course,
the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the
Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world
I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is
a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith
in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God,
watching
over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than
the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate
people
who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is
chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's
divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could
go on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I
will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's
own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said
work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of
respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever
walked,
and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever
God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by
chance,
can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human
will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of
desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that
drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not,
by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we
cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is
not so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.

The human situation is meaningless, therefor arbitrary. "Ma nature"
builds us insane so we will do her biddings, you're no different.
Be a good minion.
--

"We must put nature on the rack and compel her to bear witness even
against
herself, so that we may control her to our ends - everything is possible
to
man. Time is young: give us some little centuries, and we shall control
and
remake all things. We shall perhaps at last learn the noblest lesson of
all,
that man must not fight man, but make war only on the obstacles that
nature
offers to the triumph of man.
--Francis Bacon

Not that we detest being a slave into her prescribed death, but that we
can
rebel and possibly save her to. Or would you just like to go die like she
desires?

"Immortalist" <Reanimater_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vv0so5cevgnb37@corp.supernews.com...

"Frederick" <mmcneill@fuzzysys.com> wrote in message
news:3FEE8D9D.DD413670@fuzzysys.com...
Admiral_eX_laX wrote:

In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I
have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll
fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you
say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.

If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of
what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair,
and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything;
equality is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what
Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a
single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence,
equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of
man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements,
and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many
things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must
be
met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of
the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the
world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course,
the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the
Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world
I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is
a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith
in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God,
watching
over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than
the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate
people
who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is
chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's
divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could
go on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I
will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's
own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said
work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of
respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever
walked,
and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever
God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by
chance,
can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human
will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of
desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that
drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not,
by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we
cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is
not so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.

The human situation is meaningless, therefor arbitrary. "Ma nature"
builds us insane so we will do her biddings, you're no different.
Be a good minion.
--

"We must put nature on the rack and compel her to bear witness even
against
herself, so that we may control her to our ends - everything is possible
to
man. Time is young: give us some little centuries, and we shall control
and
remake all things. We shall perhaps at last learn the noblest lesson of
all,
that man must not fight man, but make war only on the obstacles that
nature
offers to the triumph of man.
--Francis Bacon

Not that we detest being a slave into her prescribed death, but that we
can
rebel and possibly save her to. Or would you just like to go die like she
desires?

I've added up all the hopefullness that you and the other notable philosophy
buffs have offered over this past year. My conclusion, based upon how
people think on this NG (or, perhaps as they represent the philosophers of
time expressed in today's sensibilities), is that 'non-existence' is the
more logical, better choice. The intellect leads only to a dead end...as I
said before. So what makes us stay alive? (I'm quite serious here; part of
the problem in the world today is the intellect that cannot see it's way to
anything hopeful and yet, casts a shadow over the people, that we cannot
escape; reminds me of that old classic scifi movie, 'Forbidden Planet',
where the noble professor was creating a monster through his subconscious
[amplified by alien technology that was left behind on the distant planet].
Academia creates a monster that stands to destroy us from within (by
erradicating all hope)...and yet, those of such glorius minds in all other
respects, are so oblivous to it.

You people have killed God...now what do you have to offer us?
Brain? I have come to hate the university and the ego's it bears hidden
behind human grace, even more than I do the corporate chieftains. They
could have done something to save us...but no, they played the game of self
aggrandizement instead, the 'intellectual' in all his/her glory...power
mongers of the worst kind. God how I hate neutrality.

In an effort to better myself, and in turn, ease what inferiority I have
with myself and progress in fixing my depression, I'll present what is
probably, generally put, my stupid, unsupported, perception of life.

You tell me what's fucked up with my mental processes........and I'll fix
them.......well not immediately, but I'll consider what you say........to
strengthen what argument, if present at all, I have.



If I've given up on myself......which is probably the case.......

Then I have no regrets with myself. I am not sad. I am not afraid of what
worse things will happen to me as a result thereof.

Strangely, I'm at peace.

I think I've done the best I could possibly do with myself, given what
resources God bestowed upon me in my life, be it family, money, social
status, mental capacity, mental focus, etc. The world cannot be fair, and
there are no fair chances; nobody has an equal shot at anything; equality
is
a romantic, fanciful dream which can only be concieved in what Christians
call Heaven. That equality. Is success.

To a Christian, Heaven is full of those God-worthy. They all meet a
single,
necessary requirement; nothing more is needed of them. Hence, equality.
Success.

Success is wealth. prestige. luxury. lavishing in the ambiguities of man -
love. happiness. victory.

To succeed in this world, individuals must meet multiple requirements, and
satisfy variables unique to themselves, accomplish goals unique to
themselves, battle handicaps unique to themselves. There are too many
things
that one must accomplish to succeed, and so many variables that must be
met,
in many cases, beyond the scope of one's ability; out of sheer luck of the
draw, a lucky few may succeed.

But, to become God-worthy in the eyes of man, one must succeed in the
world.
The God-worthy are classified as successes in the world. Of course, the
Bible cites otherwise in its examples of saints. To hell with the Bible.
Those are stories of a degree of heroism that is extinct in the world I'm
living in today. It's an obsolete, rusted tome. A poor saint is an
impossibility now. To Christians, this is false. To the world, this is a
truth.

Christians would affirm God would believe otherwise. That he has faith in
his creations always, and only his creations lose faith in him.

I do not trust humanity to translate the will of a silent God, watching
over
his toys, us, play out lives, dramas, stories, that number more than the
grains of sands across a beach.

But Christians are of the world.

So it doesn't matter what you are, Christian, sinner, pagan, fool,
whatever......you all are of a world that is not fair.

I'm simply not cut out for success. This world cannot facilitate people
who
are all successful. It is not predestination I believe in. It is chance.
Chance decides fate. Your life is the product of the roll of God's divine
multi-faceted dice. He is the GM of a very perverse, grand game.

I am blessed with health, loving parents, so on, and so forth. I could go
on
and on. But these variables do not affect my ability to succeed. I will
agree one must work in life to succeed, success is a product of one's own
work.

One's own work is dependant solely on one's capacity to perform said work,
be it whatever it is that the world and God himself deems worthy of
respect.
These variables God sets, that are beyond the capability of people to
adjust, are designated arbitrarily to each person that has ever walked,
and
ever will walk, this world.

These variables I loosely suggest are too vague to describe. Whatever God
there may be, whatever power there is who controls our fates by chance,
can
describe them. They are countless. And they cannot be changed by human
will.
They are things that set our individual, contrasting definitions of
desire,
passion, power, wealth, love.......all of those ambiguous ideas that drive
us.

These variables are set all differently among us.......if we do not, by
chance, meet the expectations of the world in these variables that we
cannot
control, we do not succeed in the eyes of both the world and God.

I admit success is an ambiguity....it is relative in itself....to me,
failing in life and going to hell may very well be success. But it is not
so
to me.

I've worked the hardest and tried to better myself to the best of my
ability - to the BEST of my knowledge - to the EXTENT of those
uncontrollable variables set within me.

And it's not good enough for either God or his fucking people.

So I guess I really haven't given up all this time. I tried.

The world just thinks I did.