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Science Forum Index » Psychology - Psychotherapy Forum » This just cost me my best relationship. Any thoughts?
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 Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:06 pm |
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My wonderful girlfriend of 4 years just announced that she "found
someone new" and no longer wants to be with me.
While that has many implications, one of the things she has cited was
this-
I'm always negative, and never happy.
She's right. It had little to do with her, and everything to do with
me, but she is right. I have had this behavior with friends,
roommates, and now girlfriends. The problem is that:
1) I'm always down on myself about everything. I'm not smart enough,
good enough, or whatever. It's an inferiority complex. Whenever I
try something, I usually fail. ANd then spend the next few months
beating myself up about it. It somehow makes me feel better to berate
myself, but it annoys everyone around me and doesn't help anything.
2) When people buy me gifts, I feel guilty instead of happy or
surprised. It confuses the hell out of them and me both. Anything
that has ever been given to me is something I never want to use. I
never feel like it is 'mine', and that it still belongs to the
'giver', and that if I use it I could potentially mar, wreck, or
otherwise mess up someone else's property.
3) I'm always negative. Nothing ever goes right. Everything sucks.
If someone tries something or does something, my knee-jerk reaction is
to tell them why it will fail, or why it is the wrong thing to do. No
matter how much i try to NOT do this, it just happens.
4) When something bothers me, I stew on it. I don't say "hey, I don't
like this". I just shut up and stew on it, and stew on it, and later
blow up about it.
5) I always focus on the negative. I never tell people how much I
appreciate them or the things they do. I never tell someone that I
love them or that I'm glad they are around, even if I do and am. I
always bring up the negatives, especially if they are minor. It is as
if I'm always out to rub it into people's faces how BAD they are, even
if that is only 2% of their whole being. I NEVER tell someone that
they are great or wonderful or that I like having them around, no
matter how much they deserve it.
These are all bad things that I do. I never realize I'm doing it
until later. Then I regret everything. I don't know why I do these
things, I just do. I don't want to be this way, but it happens over
and over and over again. Someone once told me I've got a 'passive
aggressive' personality. Wikipedia's description doesn't really sound
like me, though. What do you think?
I want to change. If it means seeking counseling, then that is fine.
I just want to drop these bad habits and be a better person.
-phaeton. |
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