Subject: HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington
chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound"
that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is,
of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how
the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate
at
which they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell,
it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist
in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we
can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they
are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are
added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until
all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year
that "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
two
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore
extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
God!!!"
This student received an A+.
--
Sue -- Firefighter mom -- Still Rabid UW Dawg Fan!
(to reply send to
medlawtrans@comcast.net)
