On Nov 2, 9:53 pm, Tigger <Tiggerinthe... at (no spam) webtv.net> wrote:
On Nov 2, 10:25 pm, Chef Xenu <chefx... at (no spam) gmail.com> wrote:
On Nov 2, 10:42 pm, cultxpt <cult... at (no spam) gmail.com> wrote:
AP: Hemet, California
11/3/09
In a hastily - called press conference today, representatives of the
Church of Scientology announced that they would be selling their
extensive properties and giving the funds to those they have harmed in
the past.
Johnnie Tyler, speaking at the conference room of Golden Era Studios,
stated that "we have come to the conclusion that the only way for us
to move forward is to clear up our past. This is the essence of
Dianetics and Scientology, and we regret that it has taken us this
long to recognize this as applied to our own actions."
Golden Era Productions, north of Hemet, will be deeded to WBM
Productions. According to Soltan Gris, treasurer of Scientology, WBM
Productions will help coordinate some of the restitution to critics of
Scientology who had suffered under the "Fair Game Policy" of the
church. Ex-Scientologists who had been ordered to "disconnect" from
their families will be able to apply for a lump-sum compensation,
according to Gris.
When asked what brought about this extensive and unprecedented
transfer of church assets, Gris explained that it was a combination of
external forces and an internal management shakeup. "There have been
some unsavory characters in our hierarchy that we have frankly allowed
to run amock. Thankfully they are gone now, and we can clean up the
mess they left behind." Gris declined to name the previous leaders,
but stated that one had evidently fled to Bulgravia with a suitcase of
cash.
As the press conference broke up, several protesters in Guy Fawkes
masks were demonstrating outside the compound. Gris and Tyler both
went out and conversed with them at length. When asked what the
conversations were about, one masked protester stated "I haven't got a
f**king clue. But I think it means we've won!"
When I read the name Sultan Gris, I nearly shot PBR out my nose.
+1 internets, would read again.
thanks for the lol,
Chef Xenu
--
REB Slaughter (USN-RET)(SP V) 614-321-XENUhttp://www.chefxenu.net
4th (or 5th) Marcabian Invader Force Mess Saucer 1138
Everybody Loves Pie!http://cbusanon.foromotion.net/
Message to Durable
Slatehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbDpIYKv07g-Hidequoted text -
- Show quoted text -
So it was a joke. I was wondering why there was no URL...
I've been googling Associated Press, Scientology to find one.
Thanks be to you, Chief Xenu for confirming my suspicions. The story
was just too unlikely to be believed.
Tigger
I really do try to put hints when it's an Onion-style post; Johnny
Tyler, Sultan Gris, Bulgravia. Also, too good to be true!- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
