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| Hell Toupee... |
 Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:32 am |
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Guest
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Final paragraph blows the conspiracy wide open!
Aliens regret policy of only abducting lone weirdos
Extra-terrestrials have today conceded that a decades-long programme
of abduction to gather detailed knowledge of human society and biology
might have produced better results had they looked beyond suggestible
loners with a history of mental health problems.
‘In hindsight, I suppose there was always going to be a limit to the
intelligence we could get from a depressed farmer drink-driving his
tractor at 2am,’ said an alien spokesbeing today. ‘We were
disappointed to find that the majority of these people from isolated
rural communities were not as well-connected to the planet’s major
political powers as we’d hoped, and in truth they only confused our
understanding of the human race. For a time we weren’t sure the
species had a definitive stance on incest, or indeed what the correct
number of fingers and toes was for a human. Perhaps we should have
made better use of Wikipedia.’
Alien leaders have taken the opportunity to apologise formally to the
‘lost generation’ of socially awkward stay-at-homes they had
previously targeted, expressing particular remorse that their routine
examinations of human reproductive organs may have been seen as a
come-on by the many abductees with limited sexual experience. They
also apologised unreservedly to all their former guests for any damage
to their credibility or social standing on earth caused by their
failure to return and crown them Grand Master of Quadrant Z as promised.
‘If we could travel back in time and do it all again,’ continued the
spokesbeing, ‘we’d probably choose to convey our message of
constructive engagement with humans in writing or by just popping
round to introduce ourselves in person, rather than relying solely on
crop circles. And we’d certainly think twice before going with
recreational drug users again as our preferred messengers for warnings
of global apocalypse.’
Aliens had hoped that their apology would go some way to building
bridges between human and extra-terrestrial civilisations and might
attract more promising candidates for cranial and rectal probing, but
their latest visitor appears to be no different to previous guests.
‘He talked passionately about a vision of the world as a giant theme
park in which adults and children live in a harmonious condition of
mutual love and respect unhampered by legal interference. By the time
he tried to convince us it was normal to walk backwards while keeping
both feet on the ground at all times, we knew he was taking the piss
and we sent him packing with enough drugs in his system to forget the
whole sorry episode.’
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/09/01/aliens-regret-policy-of-only-abducting-lone-weirdos/ |
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| 2nz... |
| Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 10:10 am |
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Guest
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On Oct 20, 6:32 am, Hell Toupee <w... at (no spam) menull.com> wrote:
Quote: By the time he tried to convince us it was normal to walk backwards while keeping
both feet on the ground at all times, we knew he was taking the piss
and we sent him packing with enough drugs in his system to forget the
whole sorry episode.’
I always figured the crotch grabbing thing also signified that he was
taking a piss. |
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