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Movies Forum Index » General Movies Forum » Signs ...a bad sign.
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| notbob |
 Posted: Wed Sep 01, 2004 3:06 pm |
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I swore I wouldn't do it. I promised myself I wouln't rent Signs. After
seeing the ridiculous trailer, the one showing the little girl saying,
"..there'samonsterinmyroomcanIhaveaglassofwater" like there's a monster in
her bedroom every Wednesday and Thursday night and she talks like this
because daddy gives me a phenobarbs at bedtime. I just knew I wasn't going
to like this road-to-shambala movie. But, I caved. I went to the $.99
rental place and they didn't have any movies I haven't seen except Signs and
a bunch of straight-to-video bombs. So, I figured I couldn't honestly bad
mouth ol shamalamadingdong if I hadn't seen this movie. Well, my worst
fears are confirmed.
This has got to be the most "galactically stupid" (thank's Tom) movie ever
made. Not only is the whole premise incredibly mishandled, but every single
aspect of it just sucks beyond belief. Bad acting, absurd characters,
totally senseless dialogue, every burnt out cliche, on and on and on.... It
is just unbelievable. It sucks beyond my wildest dreams. It sucks so bad
black holes were stopped in their tracks, completely reversed, and forced to
puke up a millennia of cosmic trash. It sucks so bad I re-subscribed to
this newsgroup just to warn others lest I go to Hell for not trying to save
my fellow man from this Hellstrom of sucktitude.
This movie is so bad it makes me worry about mankind as a species. This is
primarily because so many people said this was a good movie. Even film
critics who are paid to call a stinker a stinker. Seventy-eight percent of
the reviewers polled in Rotten Tomatoes gave this movie a thumbs up. Even
one's who didn't like the movie still felt compelled to apologize for The
Sham Man, like they felt sorry for him.
Sure, ol' Nightshade is pretty good at stringing together every suspense
trick/cliche in the book to set a mood. But then he completely blows it
with some piece of left field dialogue or foot-in-cow-pie plot device. Half
the time I don't know if he is being wickedly humorous or just really obtuse
about American culture. Like the aluminum hats shaped like an antenna. Was
that a joke? If it was, I get it. But, it didn't fit so the joke's on him.
What was the deal with J. Phoenix? Was the character supposed to be
retarded? He sure acted retared. That crying scene with Mel, I wanted to
cry, too. But, not in sympathy.
Everthing about the movie made no sense or required the viewer to suspend
any shred of logic they may posses. What? ...an alien race who's conquered
space travel can't get through a wooden door? And they need to smash a
field of corn to know where they are? A bunch of space carnivores who will
die upon contact with water come to a planet that's 75% water to harvest
creaturess made up of 98% water? Gimme a break, here!
And what's with this whole fetish sham-rug has with putting the whole cast
in a near-sonambalistic state? It kinda worked for Sixth Sense, the whole
thing happening in a post-mortal plane. But, he just keeps flogging it,
dragging high-voltage action stars down to this crack addict-stupor that's
supposed to pass for some kinda serious emoting. Does he mix Valiums into
their make-up? I thought Mel was gonna fall asleep at any moment. And who
can believe a bunch kids acting like, "Oh dang, the world is going to end
and I had to kill the dog and I hate you dad can I have a doughnut?". The
whole schtick is getting tiresome and, hopefully, is not going to continue
to pass for real movie making. If it does, it's a bad sign.
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