Relax, folks. Nobody would make this, it's just a spoof. I was sitting
after dinner the other day, and I read a recipe saying "mix well". This
got me to thinking that they never say "mix badly", and then one thought
led to another, and here's the result, although it's not to be taken
seriously. It has many of the standard flaws, including listed
ingredients that aren't used, used ingredients that aren't listed,
unusual measurements, vague directions, you know the stuff. I'd be
interested to see what "turn the instructions on their heads" recipes
the regulars can come up with.

Anyway, without further ado, here is my recipe for Meat.

--- Begin here ---
Meat


Ingredients

20 cups Meat
2 pillars Salt
5 fishes (dead)
5 loaves Bread
1 noseful Pepper (Columbian)
2 dozen Bouquet garni
2 bucketfuls Liebfraumilch
1 handful Potatoes
1 pinch Apples
1 pint Lemons
1 troy ounce Bananas
Rye to distaste


Stuff the meat into the blender and blend until pieces are small, about
1 to 2 hours.

Pound the loaves of bread with a mallet to tenderise. Put in a
king-sized bowl and mix badly with the fish, salt, and pepper.

Dice the bouquet garni, add to the apples and beat until light and
frothy.

Put the bananas into a large pot, then take out and put aside.

Pour 1 bucketful of the Liebfraumilch in the pot and bring to the boil,
cool, then boil; repeat until reduced by two-thirds. Add the rest of
the Liebfraumilch. Put in the meat, loaf mixture, apple mixture and
clarified muesli. Unsift the rye and throw in all at once. Stir
infrequently.

Simmer for 15 seconds then bring to the boil until a skewer thrust into
the centre runs clear.

Serve lukewarm with something.

--- and end here ---